Writing it
How long should a eulogy be?
Three to five minutes. Enough to say what matters most.
The short answer
Three to five minutes is a good target. If you are one of several people speaking, aim closer to three. If you are the only one, five is usually enough.
Read it aloud and time it. You will probably speak more slowly than usual, especially with emotion and pauses.
Nobody has ever left a funeral wishing the speech had gone on longer.
Why shorter is easier to deliver
A short eulogy is not just easier to listen to. It is easier to get through.
Every extra minute is another minute of holding yourself together in front of people you know. Many people find the second half harder, once the adrenaline of the opening wears off. Finishing before you are emotionally spent is a legitimate strategy.
You do not need to tell the whole story of someone’s life. You need to say the part that is yours to tell.
What to cut first
Cut the biography. Dates, schools, job titles and a full timeline are usually the first things to go. A eulogy is not an obituary read aloud. Give that time to the details and stories that make the person recognizable.
Cut the second example of anything. If you have three stories that show the same quality, you probably have one story and two repetitions. Keep the one with the most specific detail.
Cut the list of surviving relatives. That usually belongs in the program or obituary, not in your few minutes at the microphone.
Keep anything only you could have said.
If the funeral director gave you a time limit
Take it seriously and write to it. Funeral and memorial services often have a set schedule, and your eulogy is only one part of it.
If you have been given two minutes, that is enough for one story told properly. Tell that one well rather than compressing four into note form.
How to check it before the day
Read it aloud, standing up, at the pace you expect to use at the service. Time it. Silent reading runs much faster than speaking, so reading it in your head will not tell you how long it takes to say.
Then read it aloud again to one person you trust. Not for their notes on the writing, but to find out what happens to the words when someone else is in the room.
Anything that feels awkward to say is worth looking at again. Anything that feels too long probably is.
When you are ready to write it
Youlogy asks the questions that help you find the details, memories and stories only you would know.
A guided conversation rather than a blank page, in your own voice and at your own pace.
Write a eulogy