Who speaks at a funeral, and in what order

Two or three is the usual answer. One speaker puts the whole weight on a single person who is grieving. Five turns the service into a sequence, and the later speakers get a tired room.

If more people want to speak than the service can hold, the overflow can go to the wake or the repast, where there is more time and less structure, and it is often better for it.

A good rule of thumb: farthest from the family first, closest last. So a colleague or a longtime friend opens, and a child or partner closes.

This is not about status. It is about warming the room. Early in the service, people are still settling in, and a slightly more formal voice suits that. By the time the closest person stands up, the room is ready to hear them.

Anyone who has said no. Once is enough, and asking twice puts them in an impossible position.

The person closest to the loss, unless they have asked to. A widow or widower speaking three days after the death is carrying a great deal, and nobody should feel they have to.

Anyone who wants to use it to settle something. You will usually know who this is.

Get the speakers to talk to each other before the day, even briefly. One of the most common problems with several speakers is three people telling the same story about the same holiday.

The simplest split is by what each person knew that nobody else did. The colleague takes work, the sibling takes childhood, the friend takes everything in between.

Whoever is running the service needs the names, the order and a rough length for each speaker, ideally a day or two ahead. They will build the rest of the service around it, and they are often the one who will quietly rescue you on the day if something goes wrong.